In the children’s book “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” by Michael Rosen a family bravely embarks on a bear hunt. They encounter many obstacles along the way: a deep cold river, thick oozy mud, a big dark forest, a swirling, whirling snowstorm. With each obstacle they face, the family powers along with the encouraging chant: “We can’t go over it, we can’t under it, OH NO! We’ve gotta go THROUGH IT.” Going through it sounds simple. Yet, it is profound and really hard to do.
Your relationship is over. You know this. You’ve known it for a long time. You may even have known since shortly after the relationship began. The relationship is unhealthy and you need to move forward. But you’re stuck. What about the kids? The intertwined friendships? The house? It’s overwhelming.
The only way out is through. It will be painful. It will be hard. And, there are ways to move through it that will minimize the pain and suffering. Three options for approaching divorce in a healthier, constructive way are: Collaborative Divorce, Joint Petition Divorce, and Mediated Divorce.
Collaborative Divorce. Collaborative divorce is a dispute resolution process where couples design end-of-marriage solutions that maximize the emotional and financial health of their family. The process empowers the participants to make decisions about their children, finances, and health, and to reach a resolution respectfully and confidentially.
The parties enter into an agreement in which they agree to resolve the divorce without court intervention. In a series of meetings, the participants develop a comprehensive settlement. Each party is represented by an attorney. The team may include a financial advisor or mental health professional, both of whom serve as neutrals. The team approach helps the parties stay focused on the children and learn new ways of constructively communicating. [1]
Joint Petition Divorce. Another option is to file a Joint Petition for Divorce. This approach is best used in circumstances where both spouses desire to get divorced, and they already have a clear idea of how they want to address major issues involving the children, assets, and debts. When filing a Joint Petition, both spouses file for divorce together and ask the court to divorce them pursuant to the terms of their already- negotiated settlement agreement. Filing a Joint Petition can reduce the time and expense of the divorce process.
Mediated Divorce. Another option is for you and your spouse to jointly hire a mediator. The mediator serves as a neutral whose only job is to help the parties reach a fair and reasonable resolution. The mediator does not represent either spouse and no attorney-client relationships are formed between the participants and the mediator. Both spouses have the option of hiring their own legal counsel to participate in the mediation process.
The only way out is through. You can choose to move through it by selecting a constructive approach that minimizes the pain and suffering.
Marcy Hahn is the Founder of Lotus Legal Solutions PLLC in Birmingham, Michigan. She serves as a meditator and advocate specializing in helping clients move through the divorce process in a constructive way. Marcy is a certified Collaborative Divorce professional and contributor to the book The Nondual Process for Conflict Resolution: A Revolutionary Process for Resolving Conflict in Ourselves and the World by Jason Shulman.
She is the creator of the podcast “Divorce: What to Expect.” https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divorce-what-to-expect/id1510428190
Visit https://lotuslegalsolutions.com/ for more information.
Photography by © EMMA BURCUSEL PHOTOGRAPHY
[1] For more information about the Collaborative Divorce Process and to find a certified Collaborative Divorce Professional, visit the Collaborative Practice Institute of Michigan: https://www.collaborativepracticemi.org/.
